A Perfect Description of a Banana

Many of you know me personally, and probably therefore know that I hate bananas. Well, in today's New Yorker, I found the most perfect description of bananas that I've ever seen, Roz Chast's article "Bananas" accompanied by the lovely illustration at right.

For example, Chast says:

"I am disgusted by bananas’ texture. Compare the texture of a banana—mushy, baby-foodish, almost what you would feed a sick person—with the brisk athletic crispness of an apple. And, please, not one of those bulk apples you buy in a plastic bag. Those are mealy and they give all fruit a bad name. It’s no wonder so many kids don’t like fruit, if that’s the only kind of fruit they’ve ever had. I mean like a really good Macoun or Honeycrisp."

This is the best description I've ever heard. Exactly how I feel.

And about banana peel. She mentions a person eating a banana, slowly --

"But watch how the peel starts to drape over the hand. Now the banana is halfway eaten. The peel is now draping over the entire hand. Finally, the person finishes the banana and is left holding this disgusting peel, which is quickly turning brown and smelly! It’s not like an apple core, which you could throw out a car window and think, even though you’d be kidding yourself, Maybe an apple orchard will start here. Or an orange peel, which you wouldn’t throw out a car window, but at least it smells nice. ... The banana peel is garbage of the worst sort, the kind you must get rid of right away. You need to walk quickly to the nearest trash receptacle, throw it in, and then nonchalantly walk away, all the while giving off psychic vibes that you know nothing about it, that it’s somebody else’s peel."

I recommend reading this if you hate bananas. Or if you love bananas and want to know how a banana hater feels. And now don't tell me I'm the only person in the world who hates bananas except for Ladelle.